Music....It does a soul good!

Yesterday the hubs & I had a real treat…we splurged this year on tickets to the Trans Siberian Orchestra for his birthday! I wish the day was just a joyous occasion from start to finish, but it wasn't.  We had a somewhat crazy morning getting out of our house for some reason…the kiddos weren't quite cooperating, the dog was hiding, and we were both really tired from a late night Saturday night.  We just couldn't seem to get our act together, and this made for a few whines and complaints from everyone (okay more than just a few!) along the way. 

The trip from our door to the grandparents door is just a mere 2 hours, and yet it dragged on. For.e.ver.  Needless to say my attitude was pretty crummy the entire car ride. I am behind on several house projects, multiple Addie & Andy orders and Christmas…so I was already feeling overwhelmed.  Than to top it off, I was feeling pretty lousy…this morning, at exactly 9:07 I figured out why when out of no where it struck...the stomach bug / flu bug my kiddos passed around all last week.  Fabulous! But I digress….

We dropped our kiddos off with Grannie & Pawpaw, ate a quick bite of lunch with them, then dashed out the door.  We did take an extra minute to grab a Starbucks on our way, which was I'm sure a welcomed momentary reprive for the hubs from my attitude. Coffee or chocolate, works for me every time! Even better when it's coffee AND chocolate!!

Then the frantic, rushed panicky part of going to this concert resumed.  You see, I hate people. Well, that's not true. I don’t really 'hate' people, I just greatly despise large crowds of people.  I get panicky, overwhelmed and clausterphobic when I'm sandwiched in between hundreds of other people.  And even more so when those hundreds of people are rude and inconsiderate, pushing you out of the way so they can arrive at their seat less than 30 seconds ahead of you!  I just don’t get it.  Crowds of people I mean.  And I have several friends who LOVE that kind of a scenario….I'm convinced they are crazy!

And there is the parking.  To curb my slight panic attacks, I always leave my house at least 20 minutes  in addition to driving time just to accommodate finding a parking space.  I'm not even talking a front door parking space, I'm just talking a decent, within walking distance, safe parking space. I just hate being late to things.  And if there's a chance I'll be late then I'll arrive very early.  I would much rather arrive really hurry and have time to answer a quick email or update FB or grab a coffee than to arrive late…because to me, being late = frantic panic attack! The hubs however, couldn't be more polar opposite.  He would be fine leaving the house at the time the event starts, and just assumes he will find a parking space…AND this doesn't bother him in the least!

And then there were the seats. Even though we did splurge on tickets, we didn't splurge on the really good floor seats, or even the first level up seats, we splurged on the second level up seats, on the side of the arena, almost even with the stage.  And to top it off, there were these 4 huge, I mean HUGE round light things (I'm sure there is a technical term for those!) that were hovering right over the stage, completely blocking our view!

I realize I should've just been grateful for the money to buy the tickets in the first place, and I should've been grateful for the opportunity to be there in person regardless of where we sat, but I still felt the need to whine & complain about what crummy seats we had, and how if we only had money we could have had 'real' seats!  Wow. Yep, I really did that.  To the hubs, who has had this concert on his birthday wish-list for literally years.  And the first chance we get to go, I spoil the mood by my snotty comments, and my inability to not stress over the stupid things…like parking & people!

As the concert started, what do you know!? The giant round light things started to move, up and up and up….till we had a fairly unobstructed view of the stage from our seats! And even though I was very thankful they moved, since that was my chief complaint, I still was unwilling to let go completely of my crummy attitude….even half-way through when I realized, huh, I'm kinda enjoying myself!  Duh!  I mean, who wouldn't love a rock-opera concert, live, without kiddos, on a Sunday afternoon, with the hubs!?

I felt pretty darn petty after that moment of realization….and yet I still didn't say anything to the hubs.  For some reason I felt I needed to still display that icy, snotty attitude I had that started apparently the moment I rolled out of bed. 

This morning I realized several things; first, the reason I felt so horrible physically was because I was coming down with a bug….second, I realized I had no business acting like I did just because I felt lousy. I was behaving like a spoiled brat instead of being grateful and relishing the opportunity to indulge in a treat we rarely have.  So, to the hubs, I am sorry!

And lastly, music speaks to my soul.  I have known this for a long time, I love most anything music related. It's why I chose a degree in Music-piano for my Bachelors, it's why I tear up at even the most ridiculous songs, and why I was practically bawling yesterday during the concert at one of the violin parts.  There is something about music that just grips your heart, reaching it oftentimes where words alone cannot, softening…if even just a bit…a hardened heart.

This is another component of my 'dance in the rain' journey….reinstating music into my life.  I suffered a dog bite that ruined part of my arm, and to this day makes it extremely painful and tedious to play piano for extended periods of time.  This injury, combined with no longer having a place on the church worship team, and not having anything to study music for has seriously depleted my soul.  I would even say it sent me into a slight depression for several years.  I have realized that I need music, I need that outlet, I need others around me in a musical capacity.

I have this friend who apparently must have glimpsed this need in me and started pulling me back into music through accompanying for a couple different choirs.  Nothing big, nothing too difficult, and nothing too performance driven, but just a little something to force me to get back in the habit of practicing.

It took the concert yesterday, even though it took over half of the concert before I could realize it, to acknowledge that music really does  awaken a part of me that was perhaps not dead, but very much asleep.  I am so thankful for the chance to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra in person, for the hubs who puts up with me, and for this particular friend who has pushed me re incorporate a vital part of my life, music.